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SOS: Toxic

by STEDDY P

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CALL ME.... CULTivaAAAAAAtor STILL ALIVE / GAWD DAMMIT / THAT'S GREAT, WHAT'S YOUR MOMENT WHEN YOUR MEMORY MUST MEET YOUR MAKE, OR MAYBE I'M PROJECTING PAIN AND NEVER HEALED, CHRIST SAKE, dying to live arriving late to my funeral / in one take, CULTivator.... __________________________________________________________________________ mouth breather, take me to your cult leader, mucho meager motiv bottom feeder, notorious non reader, damn desires bout devotion or notions of diving deeper, souless scenesters, lewding and punking preachers, terrorizing teaners..., boppers, (HAAAARD) (SOS) over the heads cause these puns be proper, steddy show stopper, BACK 2 WIN, over heads like free clinic doctors, balanced pH is that of my patience cut with humility fosters my halo / copper, so where you see me pushing this bar that's my helicopter, proverbial glass no sight of bars just profit from your parking meters, still stabbing ya patna Paul to even tardy tabs for peter, no more trafficking, cancel cancel culture skeme to keep her, No Kings Disease, fuck your stuff, all eye brought was ether, CALL ME.... CULTivaAAAAAAtor STILL ALIVE / GAWD DAMMIT / THAT'S GREAT, WHAT'S YOUR MOMENT WHEN YOUR MEMORY MUST MEET YOUR MAKE, OR MAYBE I'M PROJECTING PAIN AND NEVER HEALED, CHRIST SAKE, dying to live arriving late to my funeral / in one take, CULTivator....
3.
it goes.... eat, sleep, stress, smoke, drink, think, fuck it, then the day repeats, sleep, wake, stress, smoke, drink, think, I think that I forgot to eat, wake, work, obsession 2 compete, staring at my twin sons, feels like I lost eyedentity, sleep, stress, sink, blink, hope, love, saves me from the brink, verse 1 of disaster, off the ledge, you can run back what I said, I miss life, I miss feeling, I want touch, am I dead, miss my brother, miss my friends, missing movies that play out to the end, is this my journey, can't be my story, maybe we're all here to pretend, just want that shit to feel real, word to POS, and his son, and those who used a hard R to try to pierce my flesh, and to those who want me angry, the closest poke the bear, elephant in the room, my gonzo has never cared, try to make a classic, grind it out and, be remembered, fuck my birthday and those planes that crashed in that September, let those souls shine, it's disaster we hold onto, most of us need a touch, but you just let those strangers walk thru, I thought I'd die soon after my brother Tracy passed, lately I'm scared of myself and demons from the past, right now I'm determined to try and make it last, here to write my own history, disagree? you can kiss my ass... last hook and bridge it goes.... eat, sleep, stress, smoke, drink, think, fuck it, then the day repeats, sleep, wake, stress, smoke, drink, think, I think that I forgot to eat, wake, work, obsession 2 compete, staring at my twin sons, feels like I lost eyedentity, sleep, stress, sink, blink, hope, love, saves me from the brink, save me from my honesty, always vow to kill my sanity, humble honest high, humble hunger pie, those closest always lie, we thnk we wanna die, if I'm lying now, strike me down and put me indy-ground, strike me down and put me indy-ground,
4.
this heartbreak funnels energy I been running from for a long time, this pain dictates what my face gon' show love when trying to flicker my light, been a dreamer for life and I'm distracted by emotions, all cap but least I'm off line, nurse nadia said, he ignoring the memes, girl go to bed and that's no lie, pretty sure you told me never sing but I know this bird gon' fly now, certain I been made liar and discouraged from acting so the passion acting out now, an oxymoron fa sho, should of ignored all of the doubt and got shit to crackin', everybody asked what happened, stay on my introvert, my chest draped with the napkin, ****** NGFL NGFL heart heavy and loathing all the hurt, hide my self image in my late work, so I'm ignoring again, never been with the trend, this time I'm out for what I'm really worth, ****** I wish I was in love with love, but truly guess I'm really scared and don't know how, felt like I offered all my trust, dreams, they tend to bust as I'm stargazing right now, come off a bastard after, my cries followed by laughter, heart on my sleeve cause it bled thru my shirt, viable virgo but I'm not the one, so no need to try and flirt, closest thing to floating, falling asleep at the wheel, closest thing to hustling, being scared with no feels, closest thing to GOD is losing a loved one and starting funk with Jesus like he in the mirror, facing the finale, false friction and the fear, but the fiction in our fighting focused on finishing here, (weird)
5.
pupils and peoples can't handle puberty and you want the progressives and pussies postin next to P, borderline, such is slim n most suss, sweatin like they pursuing P, never of pedigree, eyedentity crisis murder spree my memory, outside, lit late / hungry for reparation of this energy, think I'm lying, throw some money down and battle me, cattle flee, or pop a shot is my mutual grounds for monetizing my meddling, BOOM JUICE, on deck and tomorrow's batch this gossip tea is kettling, sports betting, robinhood, more ownership and never settling, the realest breathing don't speak up, our statue soliders, sneaking boom juice and auyawaska in the lean cups, Abby simply said just get the money up, double up, we saw this growing up, usually laughing, lucrative, loving life and loose, ain't how it go, watchful eye for those, skipping promo seeking ebb and flow, simple fact / eye / retained my business / is not a fluke, Prince Pope Paul / Pierce still the truth, catch me off of troost, I'm Lettin' Loose,
6.
Okay, I'm back on 10, I'm backed by friends, it's not pretend, steddy perception n persistence, not these trends, this ain't your lane, this ain't the same, game done changed, carbon copy same ol rappers, they call it gang, focused on the fame, (hol up) I am the function, it's gettin lit, they want gonzo back, I'm into it, briefcase and tackle vest bout to lose my shit, I'm dumb wit it, truly a gift, they doubted risk, never did, stubborn and confident shuttin down this bitch, I'm back on deck, calendar set, they want the rest, others shootin shots, backboard at best, jumper ain't that wet, back on and rockin I'm drippin recipes and on a roll, I'm in control, not into trolls n always out to break the mold, Not here to slack, just giving back, nothing but these facts, I'm here to rap, simple as that, on this milwaukee slap, on my tokounmpo, counted me out, hyper extended knee, Vince said I'm truly sick, fester disease, nuthin but killer steez, I'm back to WIN, *break* there is no end, *break* my back don't bend, high road solo dolo holding down my day ones ever since,
7.
Anomaly 01:35
why be strange when you possibly anomoly, off bar oddboy just symonym to a following, prototypes possess plays and pathways to what you borrowing, phone calls for the playbook, presence fascade assimilated phallacy, few gon hate this, so the crew and the critics calling me, so over the juxposition of the opposition optimistic w/ offerings, memory of a few that were obnxious, obvouisly mocking me, no longer falling for pump fake symptoms shortcomings that model flattery, _________________________________________________ bartering mind-altering marytring ballin b stallin, see... all of me, THE god in me, AND CALLING POST FAMILY... _________________________________________________ nurture the niche, curate some kulture, cancel biting and borrowing, closest to you could be lying n poachers, black men stuck in 360's, white magic, tar and feather shit sticky, no weapon formed against me will ever succeed in PROSPERING, carnage with these eyedeas, abilities astonishing, butler in the bubble, playoff gonzo, heat culture pat riley, took alla dat whip and dipped, back on the block and plottin, PEEP, sometimes, it takes time, for the butcher to turn around and see the slaughtering,
8.
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dirty ass kids scheming on my lawn, still copping my sneaker stock n rando jersey jawns, decendcent of the masked one N many marathons, no need for brands or soapboxes for which the rest is standing on, label owners really for slave trauma / stamping pawns, counter clout CULTivator, stowed seeds in my carry on, dying to live, chef boy R planting pre mature padawon's, dark man x, double K's, hella rips, vendetta vik vaughn, CHESS and forever thankful for those songs, all moments and thoughts of writing wrongs, no beer pong, monkey bars and muddy waters forever P dropping bombs, until this home grown gritter a veteran or catch vertigone, eye live to rock mics in 3d, former goal was 4D and tapping outta reality, Zev Love X lost SubRoc, Steddy lossed Tracy and never got over Tupac, native of a culture that never stops... *YOU OUTTA POCKET* knocked down my totem poll and mountain top, native dying for memory, no need for sauce or building bops swear I never flop, here's a clue to protect the cash dance, no drunk driving groupie chasing, kiss rule, basic math Eye only play the games i win at, even gifted a local legend a crisp pair of broken bats, BO Jack 30 for 30, coughin outside of Kaufmann, steddy plottin on ya camp until I'm content in my coffin, never forgot for what I'm fighting for, reason my edge protected and never forgotten lore, can't protest black lives matter cause all lives for your employer even more, still kicking down these racist doors, keeping scores, falsehoods, fupas, tall tales and mostly fraud, flighty faith in a future and lacking a paying solid job, make way for the last of bout that action local heroes, please, save the last dance, my eyes closed on the free throw
10.
dirt dolo lonely, kill list, mamba bean kobe, peoples elbow jabronies juicing my category, CHEF BOY R supper club, not macaroni, mastered what we picked up from OG Proli, those before me, braids russell brodie, tucked under jersey, police issue 40, stop actin corny, simply to protect my story, they knock the hussle cause they can't afford me, don't trust anyone, not even me, what Omar told me, since larry wakarusa Stedro been coming propa, chef boy r p, gonzo, doctor, enlightened thru iawaska, swear Tracy, Zoo B Hood, Ant, Quis, Drew, Helias, all martyrs, new approach had be dun dealing like I'm the popper, realize real lies, we all the way, not your role model like Barkley but I'm Shaq at the rim Man on a wire, guess what, I could fall in a ditch, stop doin backflips for these white folks like I"m ozzie smith... eye swear to gawd.. stopped doing backflips for whitefolks I'm ozzie smith,
11.
Rabbit Hole 03:49
hope you see the light in me, only sharing a subtle smile, priority protect my privacy, cause nobody knows.... how far down.. that rabbit hole goes... confide in me, side wit me, ride wit me, you can even hide with me, just don't lie to me, maybe the mickey to your mallory, happily ever after all we seen, eye just wanna love, heart hurting to feel, far from soft about to kill, anything not feeling real, plants over pills, forever sick I'm ill, ill, ill, ill,

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released October 8, 2021

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STEDDY P Kansas City, Missouri

Often feels the need to fish in my own stream of consciousness, love more.

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